The week my life became and a Smiths song....

otherwise entitled:

My Disastrous Adventures in Employment-land

Seriously, this is how I looked last week - that EXACT facial expression....

Okay. So you know when you think you want something and you can’t seem to get it and you keep wanting and trying and compromising until what you want is reduced to lowest common denominator and then something vaguely similar is offered to you and you go, "yeah why not? Isn't this what I want?" and you take it and then see what you have and discover it isn't ANYTHING like what you wanted and it’s really bad and maybe you don't even know what you want and you have a nervous breakdown or something like it that involves lonely walks in the dark and an insistent drippiness from your eyes otherwise known as tears and then you have to undo all that you have done or else you feel like you might explode and it's all your fault in the first place and you feel like maybe you're too old to be making these mistakes but you have made your bed now and have to lie in it but you can't so you get out of bed and run away like Goldilocks from the three bears????

Or does that stuff just happen to me?
 
It's like you really want some brioche and you go looking and looking and there are none to be had and you look for days and days and then days turn into weeks and weeks into months and you're hungrier and hungrier for that brioche and then someone offers you a rock cake and you think, "yeah brioche, rock cake, same dif, thanks I'll take it "  and you take a bite and break a tooth and spit it out because it is nothing like what you craved and then you have an allergic reaction to it and your face blows up like a puffer fish and you remember that you're allergic to all things wheat and yeast including brioche anyway but somehow you'd forgotten?

What I mean is, sometimes in the looking we lose sight of the prize because we get lost in the sense of our own desire. 

So this is what happened to me last week. And I can't put it better than Mr Steven Patrick Morrissey himself because last week my life literally embodied the song "Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now"  and I played it like a well -oiled Johnny Marr riff and sang along like a warbling busker. Come on. Join in with me.....

"I was looking for a job, and then I found a job
and heaven knows I'm miserable now

In my life
why do I give valuable time
to people who don't care if I live or die"

 

So part of me had a mini nervous break down that I’m still like a petulant teenager who expects more from life than a dumbass menial job and part of me had a mini nervous breakdown that I was in my mid forties and still having to do a dumbass menial job like a teenager.*

 

 

Do you get me?

 

It’s never too late to get to know yourself better. So don’t fall into the gap of countering rejection with acceptance of any sort. Keep your eyes on the prize. Don't give in to the lure of the $$$ over your soul.

 

So now I will move along whistling to another Smiths track...

"please, please, please, let me, get what I want...Lord knows it would be the first time..."

 

 

* I know...will I ever grow up???

**Just joking - I'm a blessed little creature with lots to be grateful for.